10 flights... 1st Solo soon! [ENG]

I've flown 10 times since I'm here. I'm starting to get better with the radio comms, starting to know better Hamilton CTR reporting points... so basically I'm starting to get used to my new flying environment.

Hopefully I'll fly solo very soon, by the end of the week probably. I don't really feel like as if it'll be my first solo, but more like it'll be a check ride with an instructor on an aircraft I never flown before.

Everything is fine but it's psycologically difficult for me. I thought a little bit about it and I think I found an explanation... I've flown before, and even if my experience is really small, maybe even too small to be called experience, but still, I spent 80hrs in an aircraft before CTC.

I always thought that my "experience" would be an advantage, but after 10 flights, I reckon it's not necessary something good for two main reasons.

The first one is that all my hours were flown solo (with friends/family) or with a volunteer FI, who didn't put any pressure on my shoulders. He used to be very listening and talkative, which means that sometimes it happened that we flew only 20' for a circuit lesson because he'd noticed I was tired, and found useless to complete the entire hour. We were flying the aircraft in a safe way during navs or general handling lessons but the first goal, for both of us, was to enjoy to be up there, in the sky.

I still love to fly a plane here in NZ, the instructors are great, really. I think I'm very lycky to get the chance to do what I wanted to do for many years now, but the first goal of your instrcutors here is to teach you how to fly an aeroplane, not necessary enjoy it.

I think I didn't enough prepare myself to get ready to fly not for the fun of it but rather to learn a job.

This way of flying means to have pressure on your shoulders before evry flights because you want to be good, want to get a good marks for your records and maybe get a better job at the end.

I think that if I hadn't flown in France, in an aeroclub environment, it'd have been easier for me to handle this.

The second reason, is my previous experience again... I never thought I was a talented pilot, only a normal one. You fly safely, you know your limits, you know your aircraft, you know the procedures, after the PPL you still fly with an instructor once every 10 hrs to rub out the bad habits, etc...

But since I started to fly with CTC, I've got the feeling to be a poor pilot student. Again, I know that my experience is very small, but still, I thought I knew how to do a circuit, how to flare, how to take off, and even... how to taxi towards the runway... but after all the debriefings I've been given I feel like a beginner with no experience at all. The instructors have something to say on EVERYTHING, which is good AND necessary I know, but sometimes you want the good things you've done to be point out too, like the bad things.

Because a pilot has to make steps backward and apply self-analysis about his competences or situations, I did it. 

I know that I have a lot to learn, and I want really want to!!

But I think I need to be reassured concerning my skills. I never been overconfident about my skills, not at all, and I'm slightly worried, with only the problems point out, to loose my confidence... which is never good.